Evasive Answers

to Frequently Asked Questions Vol. 1

Monday December 12, 2005 by Captain Bogg

Do Pirates Wear Pajamas and Other Queries

by Angus Bogg, Ye Captain

What kind of Captain would I be if I didn’t have time for a few questions from the foc’sle hands? Then again what kind of piratcial enigma would I be if I answered them all straight away?

Here follows an account of what I believe will be the first in a series of features that explores the questions commonly asked of your Cap’n and the dastardly stratagem I employ to dodge the truth at all costs. Let’s begin, shall we mates?

When’s the next album coming out?

Blasted bilgerats, we just came out with a new one! Alright, alright faith mateys. We are down in the bilge more and more every blessed day recording TWO new albums, by thunder. There be new stories and songs on the horizon, keep hold of yer wig will ye. Sheeesh.

Are you a real pirate?

Are you a real kid?

Where is your treasure?

Har. Nice try, jellyfish.

How come it takes so long to make a new album?

Best tip toe now… for you be within half a plank of mutiny! There I said it. Now on to your question: You try opy’ratin electromonical devices with black powder and cannon fuse. Last week we scortched Buckle’s eyebrows clean off whilst attempting to re-mix “Part of Your World”.

Are you a good pirate or a bad pirate?

Well some might argue that a “good” pirate be bad and a “bad” pirate be good. Some differ over being thought of as “terrible” for “good reasons” rather than being referred to as “good at being terrible”, while still others may debate the merits of being awfully good or wonderfully vile. I try to stay out of this squabble all together. In fact when a group of people stand around to deliberate this topic I often stand well apart from them and quietly pick their pockets. Now tell me, is that good or bad?

Do pirates wear pajamas?

We will end today’s list with a simple inquiry that still makes an old salt like me grin to me ears. This here question from my friend Matt, be one of my all time favorites. Why even the contemplation of me answer inspired me to verse:

Do Pirates Wear Pajamas?
by Captain Bogg

Dear Buccaneer…

Do Pirates wear pajamas?
Do Cowboys brush their teeth?
Do Dragons wash behind their ears, before they go to sleep?

Do Unicorns do homework?
Do Fairies wipe their feet?
Do Jousting Knights look both ways, before they cross the street?

Do Mermaids have to take a bath?
Do Pixies eat their greens?
Do Goblins pick up all their toys, to keep their bedrooms clean?

Dear Matey Mine…

I likes to wear pajamas.
I often brush me teeth.
But I dream that I’m a Dragon, when I go to sleep.